Alternate title: This will probably not be nearly as funny out of context but OH WELL.
Community. You should really watch that show. I haven't proselyted a show this fervently since Arrested Development, and weren't you all glad when you finally gave in and watched then?
Jeff - snarky used-to-be lawyer with a giant ego
Britta - aimless, usually mature, 28-year-old
Annie - high-strung, over-achieving 18-year-old
Troy - 18-year-old used to be high school football star
Abed - somewhat awkward pop-culture junky
Shirley - middle-aged recent divorcee with thinly-veiled rage issues
Pierce - tactless older man who desperately wants peer approval
Annie started dating Vaughn, Britta's ex-boyfriend and a "gateway douche bag." In order to save her from him, Jeff and Britta tried to get Troy to start dating Annie. All of these people are in the same study group. All of this scheming has just come to light, during a study group session.
Jeff: Annie. We’re sorry. We were worried about your well being.
Britta: I guess we feel like we’re sort of all a family and Jeff and I are like your Greendale parents.
Annie: You’re not my mom, Britta. She would never wear boots that go up that high. And what about respecting me as an adult and as a friend.
Britta: Oh. You want to be treated as an adult and a friend? Try not dating your friend’s ex-boyfriend, find your own man.
Annie: But you don’t like Vaughn.
Britta: No I don’t. But I also don’t like seeing him with anyone else. Ta da!
Annie: I asked you if you cared and you said no.
Britta: Fine. I cared. I’m a girlie girl. I like boys and I don’t like it when they’re mean to me and I don’t like when they stop kissing me and start kissing my friends. I’m not that cool. I’m not Juno, okay homeslice?
Jeff: This is what it was about for you? You were jealous?
Britta: Oh please you can’t tell me that you weren’t jealous that Vaughn had his hippie hands all over your debate slash make-out partner.
Annie: What are you insinuating? I took that kiss for the team.
Jeff: What?! [pause] Yeah, that kiss wasn’t for pleasure. It was strategic and joyless.
Annie: What?! [pause] Yeah.
Troy: You did get weirdly specific when you were describing Annie’s body.
Jeff: More specific than the stuff you told me about Britta?
Annie and Britta: What?!
Shirley: Does anyone get specific about me?
Pierce: Check your e-mail.
Shirley: I mark you as spam.
Pierce: Who the hell is Pam?
Abed: When you guys first came in we were as wholesome and healthy as the family in "The Brady Bunch." And now we’re as dysfunctional and incestuous as the cast of "The Brady Bunch."
Shirley: I agree with Abed. This is getting creepy.
Annie: No more creepy than when Jeff wears tight jeans and you say "I’d like to slap those buns on the grill."
Jeff and Pierce: What?!
Shirley: First of all I don’t talk like that and second of all where I’m from it’s perfectly normal for women to talk about their male friends’ backsides. And you don’t see me saying anything crazy about Abed and Troy’s weird little relationship.
Abed and Troy: They’re just jealous.
Jeff: Alright, alright, maybe we’re not a family. Maybe it’s more complicated. Because, unlike a real family, there’s nothing to stop any one of us from looking at any of the others as a sexual prospect.
One of the best tv moments EVER: At this point all characters look around the table and consider all possible romantic pairings, or "ships" as we tv junkies call them. It is just several moments of silent looking, but it is one of the most hilarious things I have ever seen. I can't wait to buy this show on dvd and start forcing more people to watch it.