September 14, 2011

Overheard on Public Transportation

As I am now without a car, I think this has the potential to become a regular series.

I Really Hope They Are Talking About Picking a Band Name
She-Hooligan: We're going to be firetruck cannibals.
He-Hooligan: You're what?
She-Hooligan: We're going to be firetrucks that eat other firetrucks.
He-Hooligan: I'd love to see you guys just walk into a fire station...
She-Hooligan: ...and start, like, gnawing on the tires. Haha.
He-Hooligan: Haha. Well if anyone could do that, it'd be you guys.

Anarchists New Making Friends
Angry Man: You see that cop?
Jaded Teen: Yeah?
Angry Man: He's there to give you a $500 ticket for jaywalking.
Jaded Teen: Woah.
Angry Man: They can't think of normal ways to do things, so they just make them up.
Jaded Teen: I hate cops.
Crazy Bearded Man: Me too! I keep getting hit by cars when crossing a crosswalks.
Jaded Teen: Man.
Crazy Bearded Man: It's happened three times. The cops told me that half of them were my fault. The light was white. How was that my fault?

July 28, 2011

Alas

People don't use the word "alas" often enough. I see the obnoxious *sigh* everywhere. (At least online. No one, that I know of, says "asterisk sigh asterisk" and if I did know of such a person I would not be happy with that. I suppose people have been known to say "sigh" rather than just sighing, but I'm ok with that. I don't know why. Probably because I've done it before. Or perhaps because it's always said with a sighing tone, almost making the word onomatopoeic. I'm always on board with onomatopoeia.)

Reasons to use alas instead of *sigh*
  • It makes you sound fancier in a top-hat old-timey way. (Indeed!)
  • There is zero risk of coming off as passive-aggressive.
  • It lets you use words to convey your emotions rather than clumsy gestures jammed into stupid asterisks. You do not want to appear to be bumbling around like an agitated monkey trying to communicate its desire for a banana. Asterisk actions should be used sparingly, and for humor purposes only. *farts*
  • I will like you more.

But alas, no love for alas. Puppet Dumbledore agrees with me. (I also like how Harry and Ron onomatopoeticize"bother." [I also like that I've been able to use variations of the word onomatopoeia like a bazillion times in this post.]) Alas, watch the video below.

July 21, 2011

Still doesn't bother me as much as trayshur and mayshur

Read this outloud:


I know it's been awhile since I've written. In the last letter I told you about the kitten I found.... He was in pretty bad shape and it looks like he's been beaten.

Instead of written, kitten, and beaten, did you say RIH-un, KIH-un, and BEE-un? Then you are probably from Utah. If you didn't say anything, then you probably can't read. Quite frankly, I don't know why you are on my blog if you can't read. Here, enjoy this picture of a kitty.

"Don't worry. I can't read either. Please don't beat me."

This isn't news or anything (even though ksl seems to think so). I was made fun of for saying MOU-un instead of mountain in college. (I was also made fun of for knowing what fry sauce was and for using the word "sluffing" instead of "ditching." And in elementary school I was made fun of for crying when I couldn't find my math book, but I probably deserved that.) When I catch myself doing leaving out the t's, I try to stop. But for some reason, it feels really wrong to pronounce the "tt" in button. Yet I have no problem pronouncing the "tt" in butt. In fact, I actually quite enjoy it.

My favorite part of the article was this line:


Many Utahns have undoubtedly heard it on the streets and in the malls, especially in places where young women gather.

Why are all these young women gathering on the streets? That sounds suspicious. Go back to the malls, the spas, the Targets, and the Twilight book signings.

When I was at Disneyland, waiting in line for the Matterhorn, the guy in front of me was telling his children about the abdominal snowman. (That snowman is ripped.) He also used the "word" supposebly. Man that guy was dumb. That really has nothing to do with the rest of the post, but I thought it was funny. And I still do.


July 20, 2011

The Greatest Show Ever Made

David Bowie Voldemort would totally break into song at least once, right?

June 15, 2011

Two important questions

Conversation yesterday:

Jill: Aw man, I left my pumpkin juice at work.
Me [disgusted]: Why the hell do you have pumpkin juice?
Jill: It's from the Wizarding World of Harry Potter.
Me: Why the hell don't I have pumpkin juice?

June 1, 2011

What the world needs

What the world needs is a spin class at a gym that merges cycling with Mario Cart. You race against the other people in the class. You pick up boxes. You have to lean forward or push a handle bar to throw shells at people. You have to steer. Your resistance goes way up if you go in the mud. It'd be awesome. I would play every day. But until that's invented, I'm playing regular Mario Cart on the wii every day, sitting on my couch like a loser.

March 31, 2011

Days like this

Highlights from today's evening walk:
  • Little purple violets that pop up all along the park strip through last year's dead leaves and trampled grass
  • Watching two kids across the street running back and forth through their tiny lawn, barefoot in their pajamas
  • Feeling the first traces of lingering warmth into the air
  • Knowing that even though I really didn't want to put on shoes and take a walk, I did it anyway
It's now 8 pm and my window is still wide open, the last bit of March air breathing through my bedroom. The sky is still slightly glowing at the edges, clinging to the last bit of sun. I'm watching the blue slowly darken around black empty trees. Tomorrow is April, and Friday, and spring is coming.

March 28, 2011

I went to Disneyland

And Jill took pictures. And wrote blog posts. You should go read them.

Japanese Garden: When Koi Fish Attack!
Aquarium of the Pacific: Invasion of the Field Trippers!
Disneyland: Rides, Raves, and Rain!
Everything Else: Things Not Worthy of Exclamation Points!

March 15, 2011

Belated

The post, that is. Not the gifts. My best birthday presents, birthday #29:

From Jill to me:
Cute cereal bowls, a variety of fancy fruit-infused olive oils, three spiffy salad dressing shakers, and a plethora of pop.


Oh and a happy dish brush.


From me to me:
A clean room. This is a really big deal. My room is usually a laundry pile, empty soda pop can, book stack disaster. (Side note: If my life depended on my ability to hold a camera straight and take a decent well-lit picture, I would surely die.)


Bookshelf and bright window


Bed and scarves


Love seat and (partial) desk


January 31, 2011

No spider eating required

Survivor starts February 16. If you want to play along with Jill and me, here are the rules:

1. Pick yourself. (Kelly Taylor style!) Check out all of the contestants in the first episode. Choose who is most like yourself. This is not the person you think is most likely to win. This is the person, out of the entire group, that is most like you. Jill usually picks a blonde, I usually pick a brunette. If there's someone kind of mean and snarky, I tend to pick her as "myself." Your pick doesn't necessary have to look like you, or even be the same gender. There just needs to be some kind of shared connection. Last season, Jill's Survivor Self was an older ER doctor with short red hair, but they had the same name.
Previous Survivor Self picks:
  • Tocantins -- Me: Erinn, Jill: Sierra.
  • Samoa -- Me: Laura, Jill: Ashley
  • Heroes vs. Villains: -- Me: Parvati, Jill: Courtney
  • Nicaragua -- Me: Brenda, Jill: Jill

2. Pick your alliance. This rule is new. After you've chosen your Survivor self, you can pick two additional players to be your "alliance." You'll want to pick people you think will make it to the end. They do not need to be on the same tribe as your Survivor Self. (Remember: this isn't real.)

Rules:
  1. The person with the Survivor Self or Alliance member that lasts the longest wins. There is no prize (other than the title of Fake Sole Survivor), so the scoring doesn't get anymore technical than that.
  2. No cheating by looking up spoilers. (I say this mostly to myself, as I love looking up spoilers.) You can look them up after you make your picks.
  3. Picks must be final before episode 2. Use cbs.com/survivor to look over the bios for all of the Survivors. Episode 1 rarely features everyone, especially when there's a returning cast member gimmick like this season. Be prepared for The Russell and Rob Show, at least until they get voted out.

January 19, 2011

I swear I'm not turning this into a food blog

But I found another really tasty recipe. This is even better than the Tuna Tarragon Salad, because it's SO GOOD for you. Less than 300 calories a serving, and only 5 grams of fat. The recipe makes two servings. (Source. As if I could make up my own recipe.)

Cantonese chicken and corn soup

Ingredients:
1-inch piece of fresh ginger—peeled
3 cups chicken broth (I fancy up the broth by boiling it with 2 carrots, 2 stalks of celery, 1 onion, and 2 sprigs of parsley for 30 minutes, then straining out the vegetables.)
1 tablespoon soy sauce
½ teaspoon sesame oil
¾ cup canned creamed corn
1 oz (30g) dried rice vermicelli noodles
1 tablespoon cornstarch (cornflour) mixed to a paste with 1 tablespoon water
½ cup skinless rotisserie chicken breast—finely shredded
1 scallion (spring onion)—thinly sliced

Directions:
CRUSH the piece of ginger with the side of a large knife blade, keeping it in one piece. PUT the ginger, stock, soy sauce and sesame oil in a saucepan and bring to the boil. REDUCE the heat and simmer for 3 minutes, then remove the piece of ginger. ADD the creamed corn, noodles and scallion and simmer for a further 3 minutes. STIR in the cornstarch paste and keep stirring as the soup thickens. ADD the shredded chicken breast, warm through, then serve.

P.S. I know I should take pictures of these recipes. I actually did take one of the pasta salad, but according to Jill it looked like maggots. I swear, it didn't taste like maggots. So I figure the recipes are better without my pictures. Though the actual picture of the pasta salad can't be worse than repeated use of the word "maggots" in a post about food.

Look, here's a picture of this lovely soup.

(I didn't take this picture, but it really does end up looking like this.)

January 6, 2011

Tuna Tarragon Pasta Salad

This is my new favorite recipe. If you've ever been to Sweet Tomatoes, they have this in their salad bar. I got the recipe from here, and when I made it, I only used shell pasta, I didn't coat the pasta with oil, I didn't put in celery, and I used regular black pepper instead of white pepper. DELICIOUS.

1 tablespoon salt
5 cups small shell pasta
1 1/4 cups penne pasta
1 cup spinach fettuccine (3-inch pieces)
2 tablespoons canola oil
2 (6 ounce) cans tuna in water
2 cups sweet pickle juice (small jar contains about 1 cup)
1 3/4 cups mayonnaise
1 1/2 cups sweet pickles (diced)
1 cup celery (diced)
1/2 cup sour cream
1 1/2 tablespoons dried tarragon leaves
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon white pepper

  1. For the pasta: In a large pot, bring 3 quarts of water and 1 tablespoon salt to a full boil. Add pastas and cook for about 10 minutes until al dente. Immediately strain pasta and cool by running cold water over pasta in strainer. Drain pasta completely and place in a bowl. Coat pasta with canola oil to prevent sticking.
  2. For the dressing: Place tuna in a large bowl and break down into small pieces. Add the remaining dressing ingredients and thoroughly whisk to combine.
  3. Combine the dressing and cooked pasta and mix thoroughly. ALLOW SALAD TO MARINATE FOR 8 HOURS! After 8 hours, top with more pickle juice and salt and pepper to taste.

January 2, 2011

Crash and Burn

You ever start listening to a song over the restaurant speakers or at a store in the mall and get this overwhelming feeling I know this song. Not just realizing you'd heard it before somewhere, but knowing that this song was significant to you on some emotional level, many many years ago. It overwhelms you like some potent, long-forgotten aroma. You can't figure out the name or or the artist, but you can sing along to all the words. Then you get embarrassed, because the song is super cheesy, but you know at one point in your life, you truly felt that this song really spoke to the anguished depths of your teen-aged soul.

Jill and I were eating at Red Robin when this song came on (link to youtube video), and we both shared that similar moment. And omg I just watched the video and he does sign language. Remember in high school and seminary when adding sign language was really the super special cherry on top that launched a musical performance from dab-your-eyes spiritual to so-uplifting-that-I-would-be-terribly-ungrateful-if-I-did-not-share-my-testimony-with-you-right now! (Okay, maybe that's a bit harsh. But I blame my aversion to overt spiritual manipulation on the girl who taught relief society lessons in college using Enya songs and clips of the World Trade Center being attacked.)

Once we figured out what that song was (is it from a Disney movie? is it used in some epic amv? why do we both instantly react to this song?), we laughed over our awkward sentimentality:
Jill: I do not want to tell you about the memory associated with this song, it's too embarrassing.
Me: Was it about Adam or Chad?
Jill: Neither. It was about Jesus.
Song: When you feel all alone / And the world has turned its back on you / If you need to crash then crash and burn / You're not alone
Me: Yeah, I can see that.


Disclaimer: I still kind of love that song, and may have watched the music video more than once today.