October 29, 2008


In the course of one day, I have heard of three different goal-oriented month-long events. They all sound like a name or place from Star Wars.

NaNoWriMo: National Novel Writing Month
NaNoReMo: National Novel Reading Month
NaBloPoMo: National Blog Posting Month

I like that they each become less and less ambitious. My Star Wars name? Jamsa Mupro. (First 3 letters of First name, First 2 letters of Last name, First 2 letters of Mother's Maiden Name, First 3 letters of Birth City.)

I propose we add NoMoNaMos: No More National Months. It lasts all year. Or maybe I can keep getting even more ambition-less with NaBuSitMo: National Butt-Sitting Month. You must sit on your butt for an average of 15 hours a day, for an entire month. (Sleeping doesn't count!) When you go grocery shopping, use those disability carts. Don't cook, order pizza. Borrow your grandma's mobility scooter. 450 hours of butt-sitting! You can do this!

October 6, 2008

Why I skip church activities

With my sudden resurgence of church activity (actually going to things during the week) came a re-realization of why it's annoying to be single and LDS.

Last month's enrichment activity was a SPA night: There were mini-talks on "S"criptures, "P"rayer, and "A"tonement and then we all got our nails done and learned how to put on make-up. The activity was fine, I like bonding over eye shadow as much as anyone. The wives of the bishopric gave the mini-talks, and as usual with single women, treated us like primary kids. Actual question posed to a group of 20-something LDS women: "What book of scripture tells of Jesus's life?" We all looked at each other confused. Did she want a list of specific chapters? Did she mean His mortal life or resurrected life? The answer? "The bible." More than half of the women are returned missionaries! I think we're familiar with the basic premise of the bible. We all got a bag of gumballs to "chew" when we "chewse" to read the scriptures. That may entertain Ralph Wiggum, but we are supposedly adults. And I'd feel bad making fun of this if it wasn't for the rest of her lesson, but her testimony of the scriptures was solely based on how neat it was to read them to her kids, and to hear her kids read them to their kids. Ok, that's nice, but none of us have kids. Know your audience! Is it really so hard to find value in the scriptures for yourself? At least I got to try out some nice exfoliating cream.

So I find out from Jill that this month's enrichment activity is a corn maze. A corn maze and a swap meet. Not a swap meet where we bring all our crap and trade it, a swap meet where we "swap" guys with another ward and "meet" them. DURING ENRICHMENT. Jill is on the enrichment committee and I encouraged her to question the addition of guys to a Relief Society meeting. Apparently, the bishop has mandated that we have swap meets with enrichment every other month. We have FHE once a week, and several "ward activities" each year. Not to mention Munch 'n Mingle, Linger Longer, Break the Fast or whatever it's called. Oh and stake dances. Do we really need forced dating imposed on enrichment now too? Is there really so little value to women meeting together that they need to make the guys attend every other month? Why not just get rid of Relief Society all together! Or at least make the priesthood attend our Sunday meeting every other week. Just for singles of course. We can have meaningful adult interaction with other LDS women, but only once we're married.

I like single's wards. I like interacting with people my own age. But apparently, the only people I should be interacting with are men. I may switch to the regular local ward. Sure, they're mostly newly wed or nearly dead, but then church can just be church. Not thinly (or not at all) veiled opportunities to meet guys.

October 3, 2008

I'll sing it in your face

Saturday in New York:
My flight (with Carly) was mostly on time and we took the Airtrain and subway to our hotel with no problems. Jill was on a different flight that was redirected to a different airport where she had several adventures with the bus and pulling a DI suitcase about 30 blocks through Manhatten. We quickly discovered that while I came prepared with a plethora of customized maps, I have to walk around the same block several times before I figure out which way I'm facing. On the other hand, Jill can emerge from a subway, smell the air, and know instantly which way to go. I'm great with maps, as long as Jill is there as my compass. I guess I can't be the best at everything. We ate dinner at a place where you ordered a steak in a cafeteria line, they broil it while you stand there, and then pour a ladle full of butter and a ladle full of gravy on top. I had a $14 fillet minion (with corn on the cob and giant piece of bread). It was very tasty. We had planned on going to a comedy club, but we were all worn out from flying (kind of sad how sitting in a plane all day is exhausting) so we went back to the hotel. We thought of watching SNL (going all the way to New York to watch SNL from a hotel room), but instead, Jill and Carly made fun of me and my earplugs for a while and then we all fell asleep. (By the way: earplugs are awesome.)

Sunday in New York:
It rained so we decided not to go to the outdoor fall festival on Lexington Avenue. The rain actually seemed different. In Utah, it either drizzles or it pours. The rain in New York on Sunday looked light, slightly more than a drizzle, but the rain drops where so huge that we got soaked. We went to the Met in the morning. I wanted to walk around alone, so I ran away to a wing on the second floor and then meandered through as much as the museum as I could. Some random guy starting chatting with me about the difference between canvas and wood as a medium. I replied politely than ran away to the modern art wing. I really liked the Paul Klee room and rooms with baroque furniture. I met back with Jill and Carly at about noon and we headed to Times Square. We found the TKTS stand and bought 2 pm tickets to Spamalot. I had to make part of the Carly's ticket her birthday present in order to get her to go. She wasn't convinced that she'd enjoy a Broadway play, and didn't want to spend a ton of money on something she thought looked stupid. But we all loved it. It makes fun of Broadway in that great Monty Python way. And we got to see Clay Aiken. (Yay?) I was starting to get a migraine, so I went back to the hotel for a couple of hours while Jill and Carly shopped Times Square. In the evening, we went to a Chinese restaurant that I found online. I thought it was in Chinatown, but that area didn't look at all like Chinatown. Either way, the food was good. After that, we went to the Empire State building. It was about 10 pm. It was still raining lightly and the rain looked like snow going through the fog and lights around the building. Two British ladies in line next to us thought that the specs of white were pollution. They took a picture of it.

Monday in New York:
In the morning, we went to the Museum of Natural History. I really liked the dinosaurs and the giant whale. It's hard to imagine an animal that large. The biggest animal I've ever stood next to was an Asian elephant, and that was really only about twice my height. Looking up at that blue whale hanging from the ceiling was incredible. We planned on going to Central Park, but we wanted to eat lunch. So we walked right next the park as we headed back to the midtown area and ate at some place called "Food Store" or something equally generic. Maybe it was called "All About Food." Whatever it was, I wish they had one near my work. I'd never get bored with it. The food wasn't amazing, but they had so much to choose from: soup, salad, sandwiches, pasta, fruit, dessert, and several different hot dishes. I had chicken marsala and Jill and Carly had a cheeseburger. The marsala tasted more like ketchup than marsala sauce, but I was hungry so I thought it tasted great. Then we went across the street to FAO Schwartz, the giant toy store with the floor piano from Big. None of us were brave enough to go play it. But we all designed our own Barbies and tried on the Sorting Hat (nerds!). It's a really cute store. The guards are dressed as toy soldiers and one was skateboarding through the aisles. At about 2:30 we left to get in line for The Daily Show taping. It was really fun to see the show live, but they got it all in one take so it only lasted 20 minutes. After 2 hours of waiting in line. I kind of hoped they'd need to retape some segments for time or some other kind of behind-the-scenes production stuff. But they were way too professional and the taping went by really fast. We planned on going to a famous pizza place in Greenwich village afterwards, but we decided to eat at a pizza place in Times Square instead. It was right next to the CBS store where Jill and I bought Survivor buffs. Survivor buffs are a lot more fun than you might think. If Jill ever uploads those pictures to facebook, you'll see how much we all enjoyed them. At about 9 pm we went to ride the Staton Island Ferry. We saw the Statue of Liberty from the ferry and all acted like a bunch of drunken idiots. Luckily, there weren't many other people on the ferry at the time.

Tuesday morning in New York:
We were going to go the MOMA, but we didn't. We ate breakfast/lunch at the most expensive diner I've ever been to. I got french toast, Carly got pancakes, and Jill got a cheese omelet. It was $75 total. Geez! We ran around to a few more stores and bought I Heart NY shirts, pashminas, popcorn, and a Spiderman phantom of the opera mask. Then we had to head back to the airport to go home. So each day we did maybe half of what I had so meticulously planned, but it was still incredibly fun.