November 20, 2012

"I tell you, fellers, there's goin' to be an attack."

I think someone accidentally emailed me their nanowrimo. Either that or I'm about to embark on an epic government-abolishing journey with a non-human schizophrenic guide. I hope he's hot. Some guy has a handsome face brazen in...something, though since it looks like I'm going to be stuck with two guys in a box I guess their physical appearance isn't that important. Plus, there's an elephant that can leap to the sky so it sounds like a fun sexy time is in store.

Make sure you have your food storage ready. I'll do my best to keep you all safe, but I can't make any promises.

November 13, 2012

Just a peon's thought

I re-watched Anne of the Thousand Days last weekend. Watched it the first time in history class so that means it might as well be a documentary. (By that criteria, also documentaries: Dead Poet's Society, Spartacus, Shakespeare in Love, Glory, Forrest Gump, and Roots.)

There's a scene where Henry is doubting his decision to execute Anne and is reminded that, because he is the king, all impulses, thoughts, and desires he has come from God. Can you imagine actually living your life like that? To think you are the embodiment of God's desires, and have a moral duty to act on them?

I would be SO fat.

I wish God would stop wanting me to wear pantyhose.

November 7, 2012

Like a vacuum

I really suck at goals. Well, at follow-through in general. But one of my favorite things is making goals. And then organizing them. Dividing them into sub-goals and grouping them into super-goals. Prioritizing, listing, color-coding, charting out on poster board and buying lots of gold star stickers.

They will ALL BE MINE.

But that's about as far as I go. I burn out, usually at about draft 3 of the amazing poster board calendar chart. So how do you do it? Move from the thrilling high of organizing change to actually changing? I need different strategies. I have some ideas I plan on trying out, and I'll let you know how they go. I'm sorely tempted to document those ideas in full entertaining detail, but I'm restraining myself. (As best I can, anyway. Clearly, I'm still blogging about it, however vaguely.) (Hee. Clearly and vaguely in the same sentence, describing the same verb. I'M SUCH A PARADOX.) Anyway. Let's see what doing first can accomplish.

November 5, 2012

See I can follow through

A short silly post! As promised, no more five month hiatuses followed by a depressing "update" post that illustrates the current lameness of my life.

Check out these hilarious (and disgusting) Weight Watcher cards from the 1970s. I think the secret weight loss strategy was to publish pictures of THE MOST disgusting food, hopefully making the dieters lose their appetite for the rest of the day.

Here's my favorite:

The food itself is nowhere near the worst of the bunch (though, what THE HELL is that water crap in the center?), but the creepiness is turned up to 11 with the gathering of the ceramic cats and toad. WHY are they staring at the food? I picture the cook finishing the platter, turning away, then turning back to see ALL of her ceramic friends staring intently at whatever the hell it is she just cooked.

Fair warning. All future food pictures I post on this blog will be surrounded my large collection of souvenir owls, all of them staring creepily at the food I am about to eat.

Five months exactly

Hi blog. I haven't forgotten about you, I promise. I'm just super boring. I bought a new car, which isn't that boring, I guess. Though the car itself is pretty close to the definition of boring: gray, Nissan Versa. Brand new BECAUSE I'M A SUCKER. Just kidding, it was a good deal, I swear. It would have been dumb of me NOT to get the new car. The dealer said so. I drove to California and back in it, and it was great. No cruise control, but I did get well over 100 during some rural stretches of I-15. It was raining, and I was going too fast for the rain to stick to my windshield. That's the only way to drive.

I'm having trouble coming up with things to include in a five month update. Seriously, I must have done SOMETHING in the last five months. I've lived in my new apartment for almost a year and STILL have not unpacked. Though listing things I haven't done really shouldn't count as an "update." 

I bought new shoes. (Talk about bottom of the "personal update" barrel.) This is actually kind of a big deal for me. It's really hard for me to spend money on quality items. I'm much more comfortable buying a bunch of crap shoes from payless than I am buying a really nice pair of shoes that will last me forever. But I did it. Here they are:

They are Dr. Martens Felice 8-Eye Boot. I'll allow you a few moments of envy.

Bought a car and bought shoes. This is my five month update. LAME. SO LAME. I will try to update more often, to at least spread the lame out slowly. This much more potent lame is probably a bit much for you to take. OBLIGATORY SIMPSONS QUOTE: "Well if loving your kids is lame, then I guess I'm just a big lame."