When I ordered the soup and salad he said that "because of etiquette" he was required to serve the soup at the same time as Jill's meal. NOT A SECOND BEFORE! THAT WOULD BE CRUDE!
He referred to his other tables as his "new friends."
Waiter: "Would you like just a little bit of cheese on this salad or a mountain of cheese?"
Jill: "Uh... a mountain."
Waiter: "What type of mountain? Appalachian, Rocky, or Everest?"
Me: "Do you notice how our stomachs? See those rolls of fat? GIVE US THE EFFING CHEESE ALREADY!!!"
Another waiter came up to our waiter/friend and asked him a question as he was packing up our rocky mountain of cheese to take home. After the other waiter left, our waiter/friend then confided in us (well, Jill, I refused to make eye contact) that that had been the most awkward moment of his night. Talking to another waiter. I wanted to tell him that talking to our waiter had been the most awkward moments of our night! But I didn't. Because of etiquette.
During the course of that dinner, Jill and I said "etiquette" far too many times.
"Oh noes! I unwrapped my silverware before the food came to the table... what would etiquette say?"
"I want to make a napkin bib, but won't. Because of etiquette."
"What are you doing with that straw wrapper?! ETIQUETTE!!!"
"WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE ETIQUETTE!!!"
The word lost all meaning.
By Grapthar's Hammer, he looked just like this guy (with the red circle around his head):