Alas

People don't use the word "alas" often enough. I see the obnoxious *sigh* everywhere. (At least online. No one, that I know of, says "asterisk sigh asterisk" and if I did know of such a person I would not be happy with that. I suppose people have been known to say "sigh" rather than just sighing, but I'm ok with that. I don't know why. Probably because I've done it before. Or perhaps because it's always said with a sighing tone, almost making the word onomatopoeic. I'm always on board with onomatopoeia.)

Reasons to use alas instead of *sigh*

• It makes you sound fancier in a top-hat old-timey way. (Indeed!)
• There is zero risk of coming off as passive-aggressive.
• It lets you use words to convey your emotions rather than clumsy gestures jammed into stupid asterisks. You do not want to appear to be bumbling around like an agitated monkey trying to communicate its desire for a banana. Asterisk actions should be used sparingly, and for humor purposes only. *farts*
• I will like you more.

But alas, no love for alas. Puppet Dumbledore agrees with me. (I also like how Harry and Ron onomatopoeticize"bother." [I also like that I've been able to use variations of the word onomatopoeia like a bazillion times in this post.]) Alas, watch the video below.

Still doesn't bother me as much as trayshur and mayshur

Read this outloud:

I know it's been awhile since I've written. In the last letter I told you about the kitten I found.... He was in pretty bad shape and it looks like he's been beaten.

Instead of written, kitten, and beaten, did you say RIH-un, KIH-un, and BEE-un? Then you are probably from Utah. If you didn't say anything, then you probably can't read. Quite frankly, I don't know why you are on my blog if you can't read. Here, enjoy this picture of a kitty.

"Don't worry. I can't read either. Please don't beat me."

This isn't news or anything (even though ksl seems to think so). I was made fun of for saying MOU-un instead of mountain in college. (I was also made fun of for knowing what fry sauce was and for using the word "sluffing" instead of "ditching." And in elementary school I was made fun of for crying when I couldn't find my math book, but I probably deserved that.) When I catch myself doing leaving out the t's, I try to stop. But for some reason, it feels really wrong to pronounce the "tt" in button. Yet I have no problem pronouncing the "tt" in butt. In fact, I actually quite enjoy it.

My favorite part of the article was this line:

Many Utahns have undoubtedly heard it on the streets and in the malls, especially in places where young women gather.

Why are all these young women gathering on the streets? That sounds suspicious. Go back to the malls, the spas, the Targets, and the Twilight book signings.

When I was at Disneyland, waiting in line for the Matterhorn, the guy in front of me was telling his children about the abdominal snowman. (That snowman is ripped.) He also used the "word" supposebly. Man that guy was dumb. That really has nothing to do with the rest of the post, but I thought it was funny. And I still do.