Hey, boss

If you hang out with Jill and me for an extended period of time (YOU SHOULD BE SO LUCKY!), you will likely hear one of the following phrases:

"Fiyuh."
"Indeed, top hat."
"I'm so omnommy."
"TIG!"
"Oh no, tubes!"
"MAH GOATS!"

These are a few of our own personal idioms. They succinctly express things like: "What I just said was kind of pointless, and a little bit passive aggressive, but let's not let things get tense." Or: "Aren't my sudden moments of insecurity awkward and hilarious?" And sometimes: "Holy crap, this conversation has gotten so stupid that we might as well be hillbillies sitting barefoot in a mud puddle, picking our teeth with straw, talking about all the different types of meat we like to eat." I can usually remember how each particular phrase/made-up word came to mean what it now means, but they've become so ingrained in our daily lexicon that they're less about the story that became the phrase and more about our shared history and emotional understanding.

Here's how a phrase or word becomes an inside idiom. Last week, I was telling Jill about this youtube video of a woman throwing her neighbor's cat in the garbage. Some self-ordained internet posse took it upon themselves to track this woman down and harass her for her heinous crime against humanity. Well, against cats. Catmanity. I was telling Jill the things they did to her, like post her real address and phone number online, spam her email accounts, and call her boss. Jill stopped me here and demanded explanation, "They called her boss?" I confirmed it. She got a weird look on her face, but let me continue with the story. She said internet people were weird, but admitted, "I guess that would get annoying. A bunch of people calling you "boss" over and over again." I clarified that they called her employer, but we were already laughing at the misunderstanding. Laughing quite uproariously, while acting out the bully tactic of calling someone "boss."

And thus "Hey, boss" (said in a menacing, taunting tone) was born. It's also appropriately used in im-chat as "BOSS" at the end of a sentence. It means: "I'm teasing you, but in a light-hearted silly way."

Things I'm learning from Survivor

I realized the this season of Survivor gives us the opportunity to really understand what makes a hero and what makes a villain.

Heroes:

• Allow men to "run their mouths," but vote out women when they do it.
• Allow men to suck at puzzles, with no consequences. (Even though losing the puzzle means voting someone off.)
• Are really good at building huts in the tropical forest.
• Like to repeatedly shout "ONE VOICE" over the top of other people talking.
  

Villains:

• Have the uncanny ability to predict horrible events. (At least if you are Courtney. She has two fulfilled prophecies so far: "Break her shoulder!" and "I hope he doesn't drop dead.")
• Can't build huts or make coconut popcorn.
• Allow men to complain loudly, but mock women when they offer suggestions. Or at least when they are waitress offering suggestions.
• Make really sad boo-boo faces.
  
• ROCK at puzzles.

Fire represents life

I promised a Survivor post, and here it is. Try to contain your excitement.

Survivor is tonight! I'm just so happy. Tears of joy.

I keep trying to write a post about why I like Survivor so much, as a way of introducing the epic upcoming "Heroes vs. Villains" 20th season. (Airing tonight, 7 pm, on CBS!) But I decided to just keep it simple. You are either a Survivor fan or you aren't. I can't make anyone love this show as much as I do, but I can talk about it on my blog with the hopes of discovering some other closet Survivor lovers.

That's right. I've even bought the merchandise. I'm officially a Survivor geek.

So here's my pre-Suvivor post. I am ranking the survivors from season 20. The people at the top are the ones I'd most like to see win. The ones at the bottom are the ones I'd really enjoy seeing lose a fight with a shark. Or maybe just get voted out pre-jury.

Season 20 Survivors: Favorite to least favorite to most loathed:

• Boston Rob - Villain: from the Marquesas and All-star seasons
• Parvati - Villain: from the Cook Islands and Fans/favorites seasons
• Cirie - Hero: from the Panama "Exile Island" and Fans/favorites seasons
• Courtney - Villain: from the China season
• Colby - Hero: from the Outback and All-star seasons
• Amanda - Hero: from the China and Fans/favorites season
• Jerri - Villain: from the Outback and All-star seasons
• Candice - Hero: from the Cook Islands season
• J.T. - Hero: from the Tocantins season
• Stephanie - Hero: from the Palau and Guatemala seasons
• Tom - Hero: from the Palau season
• Sandra - Villain: from the Pearl Islands season
• Sugar - Hero: from the Gabon season
• James - Hero: from the China and Fans/favorites seasons
• Danielle - Villain: from the Panama "Exile Island" season
• Rupert - Hero: from the Pearl Islands and All-star seasons
• Randy - Villain: from the Gabon season
• Coach - Villain: from the Tocantins season
• Tyson - Villain: from the Tocantins season
• Russell - Villain: from the Samoa season

Yes, this is the THIRD season for some players. Player or fan, survivor is a lifetime commitment. The players in bold are previous winners. The players in italics made it to the final tribal council in at least one of their seasons. This game is going to be good. I can't wait! :D

WoW noob

Seeing as most people I know play and love this game, I thought I'd try out the 10-day free trial. Here are my observations from my first (and probably last) two hours of playing World of Warcraft:

• By far, the hardest part of the game is coming up with character names.
• All fantasy creatures (wolves, cougars, wild pigs, etc) carry on them a pair of tattered pants.
• I was able to trade 50+ items of tattered clothing for 400 bullets and 400 arrows. Score!
• Oh wait. I can't just throw arrows and bullets. And the store merchant won't buy them back. So these things are even more worthless than my 25 pairs of tattered pants. Fail.
• Playing as an "evil" cow shaman is WAY more fun than playing as a "good" human warrior.
• Upon first entering the human world, I see a human male something pounding THE HELL out of a tree with a wooden mallet.
• Upon first entering the cow world, I see several large male cows spinning furiously in circles.
• I decide to stop laughing at them when I walk into a torch and accidentally catch myself on fire.
• My human warrior man was much more patient than me. After being stabbed several times by some troll, he still doesn't have enough rage for a decent hit. When I just step on a belt buckle, I am brimming with rage. I can't imagine how full of rage I'd be if I was attacked by an ugly troll carrying two extra pairs of tattered pants.
  
• Cows and humans can't walk through walls, torches, or rocks. Though not from lack of trying!
• Though it is more convenient, walking backwards out of a room instead of turning around is a bit embarrassing.
• Though it promises to increase your health, sitting on the ground and eating a piece of bread in the middle of a battle is not a good idea.
• Are higher level players able to talk at me, through my speakers? Or was that the drugs kicking in? I passed a player-cow by a bridge (green text and everything), and she asked me, audibly, out loud, to help her find her dog. I stared at her for a while then ran away.
• The chat feature is not at all intuitive, and I'm much too impatient to read an instruction manual. So if you approached a shaman cow last night, and she stared at you for several awkward moments, and then ran away, I'M SORRY. I COULDN'T FIGURE OUT THE STUPID CHAT.
• So it turns out, when I'm a magic evil cow in a social situation with other magic evil cows, I act the exact same as I do in real life!

Me as a cartoon character

Alternate title: I miss photoshop. :(

Meet the Cartoon Jamies:

This Jamie can control your thoughts, dreams, and entire perception of reality with her grossly over-sized forehead.

This Jamie is an antler-horned green goddess of nature who shape-shifts at will from human to tree to wapiti.

This Jamie is an ambiguously gendered sociopath who recently escaped from the secret lab of an evil pharmaceutical corporation. S/he suffers from constant, uncontrollable explosions of adverse side effects.

This Jamie is a typical cubicle drone by day, ruthless robot assassin by night. Her super human strength relies on regular inhaled doses of helium. The higher her voice pitch, the deadlier her fists.

This Jamie is the sassy mother figure that keeps the big-headed, deer-horned, drug-addled, and squeaky robot freaks working together on the side of justice. She's in an on-again/off-again relationship with Batman and always looking snazzy in her off-white pullover turtleneck.

Yet another useful list

Currently in my stack of books to read, in no particular order:

• The Sparrow, by Mary Doria Russell
• The Tombs of Atuan, by Ursula K. Le Guin
  
• Maximum City, by Suketu Mehta
• The Last Continent, by Terry Pratchett (I keep wanting to read something of his, but don't know where to start. I pulled this off of the bookstore shelf randomly. Well. The wizard hat wearing kangaroo did influence me a little bit. Any fans of his that could point me to a better starting place?)
• The Chosen, Chaim Potok
• The Women of Brewster Place, Gloria Naylor
• The Ruby in the Smoke, Philip Pullman
• Rough Stone Rolling, Richard Bushman (Someday, I will finish this book.)
• Relic, Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child
  

What's in your stack?

My spare frog club, pending

A short while ago, my supervisor at work offhandedly mentioned that she thought my bedroom looked nice. Apparently, she had a seen a picture of it, somewhere on the internet. Understandably concerned, I asked a few followup questions. From her description, I realized it was a picture of my bedroom at my parent's house. The room that is now Jake's room, which is now a festering mess of old socks and bedspreads that will continue to fester until Jake gets back from his mission. Even though I no longer lived there, I was still unsettled. Where on the internet was a picture of my old bedroom? "Oh, it was on your blog," she answered.

So... I have a lot of blogs. I'm not interesting enough to justify that many blogs, but nonetheless, they exist. I really enjoy the layout aspect of blogs. Sometimes, when I hit a blog funk, I blame it on the layout, open a new account, and play around with a different look, feel, and blog theme. Sometimes I stay there, sometimes I get bored and go back to the old blog. It's a cool story, I know.

I looked through all the blogs I could remember creating. No picture of my old bedroom. My supervisor couldn't remember the web address. I had resigned myself to the fact that there were pictures of me and my things floating around the internet. Since I am in no way famous or noteworthy (yet, anyway), I was reassured that while I couldn't find all of the pictures, I was likely the one that uploaded them in the first place.

But then, I found it. Not too long ago, I was poking around my hotmail account and I found it. It wasn't on a blog, it was on my msn profile page. (Why? I don't know.) So here it is, my old room.

(In case that link doesn't work.)

These are all the blogs I've opened (that I can remember). I know I should delete a bunch of them, but I don't know... I kind of like them all. I'm the same way with journals. I have over a dozen different journals, each with random entries in no logical order. In fact, I remember with one journal, I decided to write my "bad" feelings (frustration, anger, sadness) starting from the back, turning the journal upside down. I envisioned a completed journal, each page with writing on both sides: one upbeat and positive, the other depressingly emotional (and upside down). That didn't last long. But I still like each of these journals, and each of these blogs. In 10,000 years, they'll be a fun challenge for any archaeologist.

Fire up the grills, it's a blog party! Woo!

• Stalling - You are here. Right now. Really.
• Waterford Writers - Work-related creative writing blog.
• spare story parts - A project I'm trying to work on, based on the video in this post.
• WELL I NEVER HOW CRUDE - The bestest blog that ever blogged. VIPs only, though.
• Enrichment Book Club - An idea Jill and I had. We'll follow-through one day! Also exists on livejournal, here.
  
• Cool story, Katie Holmes - The first version of the project in spare story parts. I almost forgot this blog existed, actually.
• My Blue Chair - My main blog, for a while. Not updated anymore.
• Highway Crossing Frog - Same as above.
• [title pending] - Holy crap. I tried to do the NaNoWriMo challenge once. This blog is what happened. If I was going to delete any blog, this would be the first to go.

Holy good tv, Batman!

Great tv this week. One very promising series premiere, a season premiere from an old favorite, and a mid-season episode that was truly jaw-dropping.

Community- Thursdays, NBC, after The Office (8:30 Utah time)

I missed the initial premiere and didn't watch it online until last night. (Thanks insomnia!) This show is funny. Better than The Office, better than Friends... we're talking 30 Rock / Arrested Development level funny. I had just seen The Informant! (don't forget the "!") the night before, which also stars my tv boyfriend, Joel McHale. In The Informant!, it was really odd to watch McHale act. I don't know if his character was too bland, or if his tv personality (from The Soup) is too hilarious. Either way, it was hard to watch him pretend to be someone else. He's supposed to be making fun of skanks and Ryan Seacrest! Not interviewing Matt Damon. But Community did not have that problem. McHale's character is a raging douchebag with an enormous ego, no moral compass, and a ruthless sense of humor. That's not too many steps away from his "real" personality on The Soup! Perfect fit! Plus, the supporting characters are also funny and full of interesting potential. Watch this show! You can still watch it free on hulu.com!

Best line (that I can remember... it was 3 am): "If it's serious they should call it meningitis."

Survivor- Thursdays, CBS, 7 pm (Utah time)

If you don't already love this show, you probably never will. I don't think I can ever not love this show. This season, it's in Samoa. It was one of the most interesting season premieres that I've seen on this show. After a ridiculous amount of seasons (18? 19?), one player comes up with a completely new strategy for winning the game. If you watched it, you know who I'm talking about... Evil Russell (not to be confused with Leader Russell). He's secretly sabotaging his tribe (pouring out water, burning socks) in order to create stress and drive everyone to discontent. His plan to is to put his tribe on edge, sit back, and watch them destroy each other. I think this plan could work, but not with Evil Russell. He can't sit in the background. I think it's only working now because at this point in the game, everyone's strategy is "vote out anyone that isn't me." Once alliances form, and people spend a few more days together, he will be gone. (Hopefully.) Just when I thought no one could be worse than last season's Coach, the very next season proves me wrong.

Person I want to win at this point (after one episode): Betsy! (Female cop with good instincts, yellow tribe... I think)

Mad Men- Sundays, AMC 8 pm (Utah time)

I've raved about this show on here before. It is my favorite show currently on tv. This week's episode was really something. The entire series is fantastic, but this episode was a definite stand-out. I'm not sure I can really comment on it- I don't want to spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it and I'm not quite done processing it just yet. I may have to watch this one again in the next couple of days.

Quote of the episode, probably quote of the season, and possibly quote of the series: “That’s life: One minute, you’re on top of the world; next minute, some secretary’s running you over with a lawn mower.”

If you like tv and have time to watch it, check out those shows. While my rambling recommendations may not be useful, I made them all very linky. And hyperlinks are always useful.

Classy

To express contempt with style, etiquette, and propriety:

• Well I never!
• Goodness gracious me!
• Indeed!
• How crude!
• Hello! What's this?! / What's all this then?
• I say!

To express satisfaction with style, etiquette, and propriety:

• Jolly good!
• Capital!
• Good show lads!
• Indeed! (It has a double meaning. The key is tone.)
  
• Quite! Quite!
• Smashing!

Top hat! Monocle!