May 31, 2012

So it turns out everyone is equally stupid

There are things that have been bugging me that part of me feels like are not really worth complaining about, but this is my blog and I can complain about all the stupid things in all the run-on sentences I want to. AND end them them with all the prepositions within throughout above.

I am getting really sick of the websites that I like reading writing about Mormons. (Yeah, I know. That's a crap sentence. I don't care.) Maybe it's because I grew up in a very conservative environment, but I kind of expect liberals to be the voice of reason. But it turns out everyone is equally stupid.

Here's an except from an article on Salon:
When Mitt Romney received his patriarchal blessing as a Michigan teenager, he was told that the Lord expected great things from him. All young Mormon men — the “worthy males” of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, as it is officially known — receive such a blessing as they embark on their requisite journeys as religious missionaries.
It's a small thing, but there a subtle sinister suggestion to it. (Do you like that? All the "s" sounds? Sounds like a snake right? I'm so awesome and poetic.) This quote strongly implies that only Mormon men about to go on a mission get a Patriarchal blessing. OMG sexist! Evil patriarchy! Except, it's not true. Every baptized Mormon (even the wimins!) can get a patriarchal blessing. Also? I'm pretty sure everyone's blessing says great things are expected of them. (Well, except mine. It says something along the lines of, "The Lord is pretty sure you're going to become an evil unmarried Democrat that writes bitter whiney blog posts, so let's try and get that bar lowered for you a bit. Try going to church once in a while maybe?")

And then... Stephen Colbert does it too. Oh the heartbreak. He's supposed to be that shining beacon of the devoutly religious AND liberal. But even he gets things wrong. You can watch the clip if you want, but the inaccuracy goes something like this: Only true blue born-in-the-faith Mormons get into the celestial kingdom. So while we do try to convert dead people into heaven, it's still not really the best heaven. So all of our claims that baptism for the dead are an inclusive service done out of love, we are really elitist jerks keeping a super secret awesome heaven all to ourselves. Except, that's wrong. It's a married people only club. Not a born to Utah Valley Hospital club. (That club would be GIGANTIC.)

(As an aside, this made me lol. It actually made me a teensy bit offended at first. Not because I really think it works. Or [blaspheme ahead] that it would even really matter. But because it mocks something I believe in. And then it was like... lightbulb omg for serious. I, like, get it now. Totally. This is like, what it's like for like, other people when we like, do it to them. Like, what-ever. [I don't know why.])

Another thing I'm getting sick of is people seriously criticizing the ridiculousness of magic underwear. Actually, liberals making fun of it. (I don't have examples; it's usually just in comments. People say things like, "How can we seriously consider electing a commander-in-chief who believes his underwear is magic? This is a real issue that should be asked in debates!") And here's why it bugs me: the "LOL magic underwear!" thing was started by other Christians. (I don't have links to prove that, so just believe me, ok?) Most other Christians (especially the Mormon-hating ones) can't really criticize us for things that we should be criticized for: treatment of women, attitudes towards homosexuality, etc. Because they suck at those things too. Usually, more so than Mormons. So they target things that are different than them, thus: lol magic underwear. Liberals aren't bound by this same hypocrisy clause. So demand it be asked, if you want. But only after ALL THE OTHER QUESTIONS THAT ACTUALLY MATTER are asked.

Oh and for the record: NO ONE THINKS THE UNDERWEAR IS MAGIC. I wish we did. I love magic. But they are just like wedding rings. They are a symbolic reminder. Also? They're a little see-through which can be traumatizing when your parents use them as pajamas. True, there are people who will tell stories about their cousin's best friend's roommate's mission companion's sister who was in a fire and everything was burned except the temple garment omg magic. There are also people who think double rainbows are deeply profound messages from God. These are people that we mock.

These are all little things, just details. But I guess I expect better. I go around acting all informed, when the places where I get informed from turn out to get some of the details wrong, in a way that feels deliberate. So what else do they conveniently get wrong? If I can't get the truth from Comedy Central and the internet, where can I get it? I can't afford HBO.

So that was long. BUT MY FEELINGS ARE LONG. And I probably shouldn't publish this, but I feel like doing it anyway.